Getting Better at a Cost

Hi!
So after two days of wallowing in misery I am better. Its odd though CRON wise things went down hill after my super low cal monday. Maybe its a sign. Although i have to say that I have been reading a lot of blogs about how people go too low and then binge the next day. And I def. did binge the last day and a half but i was an odd binge. It didn't feel out of control, i felt like i could stop whenever i wanted. I was really just doing it out of boredom! Becuase I was home alone for two days sick. What a stupid reason to overeat (i hate the word binge). Im happy though because I think the reason that I didn't feel out of control was because of getting (almost) ON each day! Such a good sign health wise.

Ok so here is how it all began. Well I slept in until 12:00 on Tuesday and woke up not hungry. Although the knowledge that I hat only eaten 900 cals the day before (and excersised quite a bit) fuelled me to the kitchen. Being sick I had a few weird cravings which i gave into. One was Cranberry juice (full sugar- i cant get any nice diet kinds here). I had a big salad and an apple. Then I retreated to my room and out of boredom C/S'd for awhile while watching TV. Now I have to confess kind of a gross habit leftover from the ED days and that is C/S (chew and spit). I basically did that for 2 hours! So you dont actually take in many cals (although yes occasionally i swallow and also some get absorbed in your mouth). I mostly did it with crackers, cookies, and granola bars. Ok sorry if that is gross but for me it is better than eating then purging. Side note: this is really an open, trusting place for me so I feel ok to write about things like that. Im looking up to u guys for support, advice and love. Ok enough corny stuff.

So C/S usually leaves u kinda hungry and Im sure my blood sugar was crazy from the sugary cranberry juice and the sugar carbs i did swallow/absorb. So then at dinner time I really overate. TONS of white rice, chicken, pak choy and cauliflower. Ok so the chicken, cauliflower and pak choy were good but not the 2.5 cups of white rice! Ick! After a meal like that I couldnt sleep and I still had a fever so I knew i wouldnt be going to school all day. I ended up staying up super late watching TV and around 2:30 i went to the kitchen. i wasn't even hungry but A. It is kinda habit to eat when im up late and B. I honesltey said aloud to myself that the only reason I was doing this was because I was bored and overeating gives me a focus for the next few days to excersise and eat light (its SO dumb, school is really easy right now and I have ADD so my theory is I am self-creating excitment in my life). I ate tons of sourdough bread with sugar free jam and margraine. Then oatmeal and a little bit of ice cream. I then freaked out and couldnt fall asleep and felt HORRIBLE from all those carbs, sugar and fat. I got anxious, headachy and irritable. At around 5 I decided it would help to excersise so I hopped on the elliptical for about 40 min then finally went to bed at 6. What an awful way to spend the night! I have had 3-4 of these nights before, pre-CRON, where I overeat then stay up super late to work it off. Very bad I know.

Well I woke up at 12 again today. Did a similar thing to yesterday but not quite as extreme. Went into the kitchen made egg whites, a big salad and munched on some fruit and veggies. Then i ddint really want the salad so I ate half then decided to give into a peanut butter and banana craving. So i had that, roled in cheerios. I watched more TV did a little C/S but much less than yesterday. At around 3 i excersised for 40 min then went on a short walk. Drank too much coffe tho before and felt a little jittery. Came home kinda hungry but a little guilty for already kinda breaking CR that day. Although I wasn't too high. Had a big bowl of veggies with chicken on top and an apple. Then around 8 my cook came up with dinner. I wasn't hungry so I shouldnt have eaten as much as I did but at least it was all healthy. I had a bunch of eggplant cooked in olive oil, chicken kebabs, some raw veggies, and frozen strawberries for dessert. Probably brings me to about 1550 for the day. Not too bad. I wanted to reach 1000 due to last nights overeating but I'm actaully glad I didn't. After my post yesterday I realized its just not me to eat 1000 cals a day. I need to break my cycle. It makes me feel awful when I overeat/binge or C/S then try to purge by actually purging (i'm fighting bulimia), over excersising or eating very lightly the next day.

SO my goal for the rest of this week (until Sunday) is to do CRON properley each day. Allowing myself a minimum of 1300 cals and a maximum of 1500 cals. Except for tomorrrow, I may not be hungry from the last 2 days of overeating so its ok if I dip below my minimum. If I feel the urge to binge I will evaulate whether or not I am truly hungry. If I am I will go make a nice, healthy snack if I am not I will do something to take my mind off it like go for a walk, paint my nails, call a friend, etc.

At least I can say despite the ups and downs of the last 2 days I have gotten 95% of my RDAs both days!! YAY! =]

Hope you are all well!

peace

P.S. I'm sorry if I am discussing my ED problems in such a light manner it is hard for me to do it any other way. I am glad that I feel comfortable enough to be open about it here and I hope it does not intimidate anyone. I know that i am sick and I am determined to get well. its just that in India there is not proper treatment available so I am having to wait until i am back in the states. In the meantime I am CRON'in away to stay healthy.

Fever, Shivers and not enough nutrition, *sigh*

Hi!
I'm sorry that I neglected my new blog for a few days guys. I am getting into the swing of this whole thing and the weekend threw me off and all. Weekends always throw me off, on CRON too.

Though my calorie counts were higher this weekened I still managed to decentley nutrition wise. I also excersise pretty reguarly on the elliptical or go out jogging, so that helps. Saturday was a disaster ON wise because I was running around all day. I still did CR (1000 cals- i know, i know its too low) but only got about 70% of my RDAs. Sunday I was a little high CR wise but nutrition was good, getting about 93% of my RDAs with 1800 cals. Although I was sedentary all day doing homework, yuck.

Now I really appreciated April's message about keeping my cal counts high as I am still growing and developing which I understand. I am struggling with the urge not to go too low on Cal counts. Its hard for me though because I have been eating a lot of cals earlier this year and I finally feel like I have control. Also I really don't find myself that hungry. Finally I am trying to lose weight because in 2 weeks I am going on a beach vacation ("senior trip") with my entire senior class, including my boyfriend and in 3 weeks I am going back to visit my friends in the states and the last time they saw me I was about 10 lbs. lighter. I know its really bad to be getting such low cal counts some days but at least I eat high others and I am feeling the best I have food wise in a long time. Plus i am really dedicated to getting ON, no matter what my cal count is. Tonight was a big victory for me to make myself eat more after a really low cal day. And I promise in 3 weeks I will slowly bring up my cal counts until i find a good balance. There is just no way i can make myself do that right now. Technically for a sedentary female of my age and height I should be eating 2000 cals! Thats INSANE, I am full on 1000 each day.

So today was pretty good. I struggle with getting ON with the limited products here in India. I take a multivitamin every other day and have a packet of Emergen-C most days. Those days I am usually fine but when I dont its a challenge. Today I did pretty well though. I felt crummy all day and had an awful stomach ache. I made it through fitness class (60 min class i take every other day at school) and dance class (70 min of dance! yay!) but was exhausted. Then it rained after school and I got soaking wet and after my BF gave me a ride home I collapsed and slept all afternoon. Had no appetite- that accounts for the low cal count. I promise my goal for today was 1300 but when you are sick that just didn't happen. My tummy hurt ALL day and I have a 101 fever. Despite this I had a nice big salad for dinner, took my calcium supplement and an Emergen-C packet and made myself have some All-Bran before bed to get up my RDAs. Here is today in summary:

Unsweetened Silk Soymilk	0.25	Cup	20.0
Egg, white, raw, fresh	4	large	68.6
Fish, tuna, white, canned in water, drained solids	0.35	can	77.1
Lettuce, butterhead (includes boston and bibb types), raw	1.5	cup, shredded or chopped	10.7
Tomatoes, red, ripe, raw, year round average	12	cherry	36.7
Cucumber, peeled, raw	1.15	small (6-3/8" long)	21.8
Coffee, instant, regular, powder	0.5	tsp, rounded	2.2
Plums, raw	1.35	fruit (2-1/8" dia)	41.0
Tomatoes, red, ripe, raw, year round average	0.25	cup, chopped or sliced	8.1
Peppers, sweet, red, raw	0.65	cup, sliced	15.5
Peppers, sweet, yellow, raw	0.5	10 strips	7.0
Celery, raw	3	strip (4" long)	1.9
Regular TUMS- Peppermint	1	2 Tablets	5.0
Himalayan Mineral Water	1	Liter	0.0
Broccoli, raw	0.5	spear (about 5" long)	5.3
Apples, raw, with skin	120	g	62.4
Chicken, broilers or fryers, breast, meat only, raw	1.3	1/2 breast, bone and skin removed	168.7
Coriander (cilantro) leaves, raw	0.5	0.25 cup	0.5
Nuts, almonds, dry roasted, with salt added	0.5	oz (22 whole kernels)	84.6
Alfalfa seeds, sprouted, raw	1	tbsp	0.7
Asparagus, cooked, boiled, drained	1.2	1/2 cup	23.8
Lettuce, cos or romaine, raw	1	cup shredded	8.0
Lettuce, green leaf, raw	3.5	cup shredded	18.9
Carrots, raw	5	strip large (3" long)	14.4
Oil, olive, salad or cooking	0.5	tsp	19.9
Beans, snap, green, raw	0.5	10 beans (4" long)	8.5
Onions, raw	2.5	slice, medium (1/8" thick)	14.0
Strawberries, frozen, unsweetened	3.5	berry	13.0
Parsley, raw	1	tbsp	1.4
Tea, herb, other than chamomile, brewed	1.3	cup (8 fl oz)	3.1
Citrical Calcium Pill 250mg	0.5	2 tablets	0.0
Orbit Chewing Gum	3	piece	15.0
Emer'gen-C Purple	1	g	0.0
Himalayan Mineral Water	1	Liter	0.0
Oranges, raw, Florida	0.35	fruit (2-5/8" dia)	22.7
Cereals ready-to-eat, KELLOGG, KELLOGG'S ALL-BRAN Sultana Bran	22	g	70.0
Emergen-C Blue	1	Packet	0.0

Calories= 870
Protein= 84 g
Carb= 91 g
Fat= 17 g

Vitamins= 83%
WHATS LOW:
-B5= 77%
-Vitamin E=70%
-Biotin=0%
-Choline= 19%

Minerals= 88%
WHATS LOW:
-Iron=76%
-Phosporus= 69%
-Potassium= 84%
-Sodium= 70%
-Zinc=78%

There are a few things in there that I always seem to have trouble getting enough of when I don't take my multivitamin. Any ideas on foods containing Biotin and/or Choline? They are tough ones. Same with phosporus and postassium. Usually im ok on Iron and Zinc so I don't know what happened. Finally I never get enough Vitamin E! What do you guys eat to get these things that I might be able to find in India?

I know the cal count is pathetic, I'm going to try and eat more tomorrow if I can although I still have a 101 fever, the shivers, and tummy trouble oh AND I have my period! Party! Once I really get going on CRON hopefully i will get sick a lot less often.

I think my BF will come visit me tomorrow after school to bring me my homework. That would certainly help me feel just as good (if not better) than getting my full ON each day. I can't resist writing about him quickly at the end of this. He is a senior as well. He is the son of the Mexican ambassador which means cute spanish accent! I like him SO much. We have been dating a month and 3 weeks which in high school terms is a decent amount of time. We are HUGE Grey's Anatomy fans and have been indulging in Heroes recentley too (yes we still get some Amerian TV in India). Anyways, just wanted to add that in.

Hope you are all doing well!

peace

Starting CRON Abroad

Hi everyone!
So I am new to CRON. Just read about it for the first time a week ago and decided to give it a try. I love the idea! So far I have been doing decentley. Let me start with a little background.

I am an American teenager living abroad in India with my family (certainly adds a big level of difficulty to CRON as MANY foods aren't available here). I will be heading back to the states next year for college. I've been into healthy eating and excersising since the start of high school pretty much. Also have a history of disordered eating but I will go into more depth later.

I am allergic to milk-protein which means I can't eat ANY dairy products. That cuts out milk, yogurt, cheese, etc. That makes CRON hard too. But certainly not impossible. Although I do drink at least a cup of unsweetend soymilk a day, and I am a little worried about some of the research I have heard regarding the healh effects of soy-- let me know what you all think on this.

We have a cook (standard for expats in India) which is good and bad. He prepares lots of fresh veggies, fruit and cruidte when i ask but I also can't control the ingredients and amount of oil in meals that well. My parents do South beach off and on so he mostly prepares recipes from those books for dinners but i swear he adds extra oil. At least its all healthy olive. Also the ingredients in india aren't as optimal as in the states. For example you can't buy chicken breasts, or low fat meat. So all meat has more fat in it than I would like.

Its been hard for me to get ON every day (especially w/o taking a multivitamin) but I am letting 90% of my vitamins and minerals due for now. I can't find most of the fancy things like brewer's yeast and stuff. Im going to make a trip to the market soon to see what I can dig up but I dont have high hopes. At least we can get nice fresh fruit and veggies, soy products (as tons of ppl in india are vegtarians), basics like mustard, vinegrette, etc.

I have been fluctuating a lot on calories. Starting too low I think and then overeating the next day. it was werid I was actually doing fine until I started reading blogs about other peopple overeating on CRON and then i was like damm why aren't I having that problem too haha and i overate. Well whatever, its getting better. I think getting ON each day will help with my disordered eating.

Weight wise I was always quite slim up until this summer. I am 5'6" and weighed about 120-125. But I had actually stopped getting my period at this point and my hormones were out of whack so I had to go on BC pills which made me gain weight. Then this summer my eating disorder got out of control and by the middle of this year I was 146. I would guess at my heaviest this year I was 150 but I hid from all scales. Since new years I have been slowly getting back in control, eating healthier and am down to 140 (although i added lots of excersise so i would guess 2-3 pounds are muscle) and I look super toned. My BF loves it, hehe. My goal is around 130.

I am a loyal reader of April's blog and just diving into others. I LOVE the sound of CRON so far and it is something that I really want to put effort into. Its hard to keep a log of exactly what I eat everyday but determination is fueling me.

So hi everyone! I look forward to getting to know you all and starting my journey on CRON!